My Lover, My Foe

Author: Joanne Ramilo-Cantiller

A struggle between sinking into and getting out of depression

It would be the easy way out. Especially if one had the right reasons for just staying in bed after you wake up. If you wish to highlight your day by refusing to face the world with its ambiguities and trials, how comforting it would be to wallow in the pillows and sheets instead of your despair. How absolutlely safe it would be to navigate life in your four-walled world. Your challenges relegated to deciding which scented bodywash will miraculously fix your day (aromatherapy, you know) and what video will transport you into a world devoid of pain.

The glimmer of desolation is so faint yet it holds so much promise.I could give in, you know. It could release me from all those who depend on me. If I put my life on hold, will they do the same with theirs? But why, when I don’t hold the the pulse of their lives in my hand? Or do I?

I am tired and want to embrace rest. But to do so would be to consort with the enemy. I cannot let this darkness consume me. In the meantime,we just exchange shy, inviting glances. Because I know, in my heart & mind, that a consummation with this elusive lover will usher me to my end.